Long-distance relationship

A long-distance relationship (LDR) (or long-distance romantic relationship (LDRR)) is an intimate relationship between partners who are geographically isolated from one another. Partners in LDRs face geographic separation and lack of face-to-face contact. LDRs are particularly prevalent among college students- constituting 25% to 50% of all LDRs. Even though scholars have reported a significant number of LDRRs in undergraduate populations, long-distance relationships continue to be an ‘understudied’ phenomenon.

Characteristics of LDRs

LDRs are qualitatively different from geographically close relationships; that is, relationships in which the partners are able to see each other, face-to-face, most days. According to Rohlfing (1995) he suggests the following unique challenges for those in long distance relationships:

• Increased financial burdens to maintain relationships
• Difficulty maintaining geographically close friendships while in long-distance romantic relationships
• Difficulty judging the state of a relationship from a distance
• High expectations by partners for the quality of limited face-to-face meetings in the relationship.

LDRs with Friends and Family

Not all long-distance relationships are romantic. When individuals go away to school, their relationships with family and friends also become long distance. Pew Internet (2004) asserts that 79% of adult respondents from the United States reported using the Internet for communication with family and friends. Also, Pew Internet (2002a) states that because of new technologies, college students will have greater social ties with their friends than their family members. Therefore, examining email among college students helps explore how the Internet is affecting college students emotionally and socially.

Military Long Distance Relationship

According to Global National Research, there are 255,065 US military personnel deployed Worldwide. That leaves a lot of wives' and girlfriends behind whether by a choice or necessity. These women that find themselves in the love shackles of a military man experience a significant amount of stress from the point of the deployment news and during the actual deployment. The difference between a military LDR and a regular LDR is that, while the regular ldr there is more communication the military LDR communication is unexpected and controlled by military regulations or there is not much time to talk. Because of the communication restrictions and the overall process of deployment, this leaves the women back home feeling lonely, and stressing on how to keep a strong relationship moving forward. Other stressors that add to the emotional situation are the realization that her husband or boyfriend are being deployed to a combat zone where his life is threatened. Through all the stages of the deployment the women will exhibit many emotional problems, such as anxiety, loss, denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. It is crucial the wife or girlfriend learn strategies to reduce the stress and maintain their health. Although a military long distance relationship is undesirable and could be hard to control, there are many reasons why it is all worth holding on to. According to HubPages (2011a) these are methods on how to save a LDR with a military man:

• Stay Strong For Him. Keep focused on the fact that soon, you will be together.
• Tell him your feelings within reason. Don't suffer in silence, let him know your issues but do not repeat how miserable you feel every time you get a chance to converse with him.
• Make the conscious choice to be happy. Be supportive and respect his choice to serve his country.

Long Distance Relationship Statistics in the US

Back in 2005 a survey suggested that in the United States 14 to 15 million people are considered to be in a long distance relationship. Now in 2015 the statistics lean closer to where 14 million people consider themselves to be in a long distance relationship. About 32.5% of college relationships are long distances. The average amount of distances in a long distance relationship is 125 miles. Couples in a long distance relationship call each other every 2.7 days. On average couples in a long distance relationships will visit each other 1.5 times a month. Also couples in long distance relationships expect to live together around 14 months into the relationship. About 40% of couples in long distance relationships break up, its around 4.5 months into the relationship is when couples start having problems. Also 70% of couples in a long distance relationship break up due to unplanned circumstances and events. About 75% of couples in long distance relationships end up being engaged at some point in the relationship. Around 10% of couples still maintain a long distance relationship after marriage. About 3.75 million married couples are in a long distance relationship in the US alone.

Ways to stay connected

New communication technologies such as cellular phone plans make communication among individuals at a distance easier than in the past. Before the popularity of internet dating, long-distance relationships were not as common, as the primary forms of communication between the romance lovers usually involved either telephone conversations or corresponding via mail. According to Pew Internet, American citizens were asked how often they used the Internet on a typical day, they reported 56% sending or reading email, 10% reported sending instant messages, and 9% reported using an online social network such as Facebook or Twitter. However, with the advent of the Internet, long-distance relationships have exploded in popularity as they become less challenging to sustain with the use of modern technology.

The increase in long-distance relationships is matched by an increasing number of technologies designed specifically to support intimate couples living apart. In particular there have been a host of devices which have attempted to mimic co-located behaviours at a distance including hand-holding, leaving love notes, hugging and even kissing. The success of these technologies has, so far, been limited.

Couples who have a routine, strategic relational maintenance behaviors, and take advantage of social media can help maintain a long-distance relationship. Having positivity (making interactions cheerful and pleasant), openness (directly discussing the relationship and one's feelings), assurances (reassuring the partner about the relationship and the future), network (relying on support and love of others), shared tasks (performing common tasks) and conflict management (giving the partner advice) are some of the routine and strategic relation maintenance behaviors

Relationship Maintenance Behaviors

Intimate relationship partners constantly work to improve their relationship. There are many ways in which they can make their partner happy and strengthen the overall relationship. The ways in which individuals behave have a major effect on the satisfaction and the durability of the relationship. Researchers have found systems of maintenance behaviors between intimate partners. Maintenance behaviors can be separated into seven different categories: assurances in relation to love and commitment in the relationship, openness in sharing their feelings, conflict management, positive interactions, sharing tasks, giving advice to their partner, and using social networks for support (Dainton, 2000; Stafford, Dainton, & Haas, 2000).

Dindia and Emmers-Sommer (2006) identified three categories of maintaining behaviors that are used by partners to deal with separation. “Prospective behaviors, such as telling the partner goodbye, which addresses anticipated separation; introspective behaviors, which is communication when the partners are apart; and retrospective behaviors which are basically talking to each other face to face, which reaffirms connection after separation.” (Dindia, & Emmers-Sommer, 2006). These are known as the relationship continuity constructional units (RCCUs). Maintenance behaviors as well as the RCCUs are correlated with an increase in relationship satisfaction, as well as, commitment (Pistole et al., 2010).

Research

In a study of jealousy experience, expression, in LDR's, 114 individuals who were in LDR's indicated how much face-to-face contact they had during a typical week. Thirty-three percent of participants reported no face-to-face contact, whereas 67% reported periodic face-to-face contact with a mean of 1 to 2 days. The researchers compared LDRs to GCRs (geographically close relationships) and discovered that those in LDRs with no face-to-face contact experience more jealousy than those with periodic face-to-face contact or those in GCRs. Furthermore, those without periodic face-to-face contact were more likely to use the Internet to communicate with their partner. They found that the presence of periodic face-to-face contact is a crucial factor in the satisfaction, commitment, and trust of LDR partners. Those who do not experience periodic face-to-face contact reported significantly lower levels of satisfaction, commitment, and trust.

Another study generated a sample of 335 undergraduate students who were in LDRs and became geographically close. Of the reunited couples, 66 individuals terminated their relationships after moving to the same location, whereas 114 continued their relationship.

Based on the analysis of the open-ended responses, 97% of respondents noted some type of relationship change associated with the LD-GC (geographically close) transition. When the respondents were asked about having the ability to more face-to-face time when GC, and the enjoyment of increased time spent together most comments were positive. For example, ‘We finally got to do all the “little” things we’d been wanting to do for so long; we get to hold each other, wake up next to each other, eat together, etc.’ Many Individuals reported a loss of autonomy, following reunion. For example, many individuals liked and missed the “freedom” or “privacy” the distance allowed. Reports of “nagging”, demanding or expecting “too much” were also frequent responses. Several individuals reported more conflict and ‘fighting’ in their relationship after it became geographically close. Many said they felt the conflict in their relationship was not only more frequent but also more difficult to resolve. For example, one individual stated that, when his relationship was long distance, he and his partner ‘fought less and if we did fight, problems were solved in a shorter amount of time. For some individuals living in the same location led to increased feelings of jealousy. After witnessing their partners’ behaviour, some participants said that they became increasingly concerned that their partners were currently ‘cheating’ on them or had ‘cheated on them in the past.’ Reunion allowed the discovery of positive as well as negative characteristics about their partner, feeling that the partner had changed in some way since the relationship was long distance.

See also

• Living apart together
• Dual-career commuter couples

References

Bibliography

• Chris Bell, Kate Brauer-Bell, The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide (New York: Ten Speed Press, 2006)
• Dindia, K., & Emmers-Sommer, E. M., (2006). What partner do to maintain their close relationships. In P. Noller & J. A. Feeney (Eds.) Close relationships: Functions, forms, and processes (pp. 302–324). New York: Psychology Press.
• Dainton, M. (2000). Maintenance behaviors, expectations for maintenance, and satisfaction: Linking comparison levels to relational maintenance strategies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 827–842.
• Pistol, M. C., Roberts, A., & Chapman, M. L. (2010). Attachment, relationship maintenance, and stress in long distance and geographically close romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 27(4), 535–552.
• Seetha Narayan, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Long-Distance Relationships (Alpha Books: 2005)
• Rohlfing, M. E. (1995). Doesn’t anyone stay in one place anymore?’’ An exploration of the understudied phenomenon of long-distance relationships. In J. Woods & S. Duck (Eds.), Understudied relationships: Off the beaten track (pp. 173–196). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage
• "How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship With a Military Man." HubPages. HubPages, 11 Aug. 2011.
• "The Worldwide Network of US Military Bases." Global Research. Ed. Jules Dufour. Global Research Centre for Research on Globalization, 20 Sept. 2015. Web.
• Marnocha, Suzanne. "Military Wives' Transition and Coping: Deployment and the Return Home." Military Wives' Transition and Coping: Deployment and the Return Home. International Scholarly Research Notices, 5 Mar. 2012. Web. 3 Nov. 2015.
• Pew Internet & American Life Project. (2002a). The Internet goes to college: How students are living in the future with today’s technology. Retrieved October 15, 2005
• Pew Internet & American Life Project (2004). The Internet and daily life: Many Americans use the Internet in everyday activities, but traditional offline habits still dominate. Retrieved October 11, 2007